Добавлено: Wed Apr 01, 2015 3:57 am Заголовок сообщения:
БОГ Arsenal FC Fan
Зарегистрирован: 10.12.2007 Сообщения: 20368 Откуда: Латвия, город Рига.
Ну, раз пошла такая пьянка...
Цитата:
Очень красивая молодая девушка решила покончить жизнь самоубийством, встала на край высокого моста, внизу асфальт, если спрыгнуть то шансов выжить нет.
Мимо проходит уродливый абоссаный бомж алкаш. Девушка при виде него говорит:
- Нет, стой! Не подходи! Я буду прыгать, даже не думай меня переубеждать или вообще что-либо говорить.
Бомж отвечает:
- А в чем дело-то?
- Мне все надоело, надоела эта жизнь, я решила - буду прыгать!
- Послушай, девушка, давай трахнемся, а? Ты в любом случае умрешь, а мне приятное напоследок сделаешь.
- Ты с ума сошел?! Ты же уродливый и омерзительный!
Бомж разворачивается и начинает идти вниз по мосту. Девушка удивленно:
- И это все? Ты даже не попытаешься меня переубедить или сказать, что жить имеет смысл? Ты куда вообще?
- Прости, дорогая, мне надо быстро спуститься вниз. Если я успею, то ты еще будешь теплая.
Добавлено: Sun Jun 21, 2015 8:19 pm Заголовок сообщения:
БОГ Arsenal FC Fan
Зарегистрирован: 10.12.2007 Сообщения: 20368 Откуда: Латвия, город Рига.
Цитата:
A trucker is driving through the mountains, heading through the winding dangerous passes nearly a mile above sea level. He's tired though and as he's coming around a curve, he doesn't realize that he's drifted into the left lane until he sees an oncoming RV, half of which is directly in front of him.
There's no way to escape the wreck, and the two hit head on. Everything goes to slow motion. He watches the rear end of the vehicle both accordion towards the front and rise into the air, enslaved by inertia. He watches in horror as a little girl who can't be more than 7 or 8 years old is hurled through the windshield of the RV and onto the hood of his truck; she had a puppy in her lap before the crash and she's still hanging onto it as she flies through the air. Looking through the shattered glass, he can see at least four or five people in the back of the RV, bodies limply flailing.
The family's RV is a big vehicle, but it's simply no match for the weight of the fully loaded semi and it's thrown towards the edge of the mountain where it catches on a guard rail, hanging precipitously over the steep slope. The trucker manages to stop a few feet away with the little girl still laying crumpled on the hood of his cab. He sees her eyes flutter open as he gets out to check on the family, and she starts to sit up.
A door on the side of the RV flies open and a man climbs out onto the vehicle, which is now almost completely over the edge. He reaches down and grabs someone's arm to help them out. The trucker can see that it's the man's wife as her head pokes out of the door, and he can see that she's visibly relieved when she sees that her daughter is still alive.
Suddenly, there's a horrendous sound of tearing metal as the guard rail rips itself out of the ground. Both the father and mother look at the child as if to say goodbye, and the RV tumbles down the side of the mountain. Both the trucker and child watch as it rolls more than a thousand feet. Along the way, a propane tank explodes, which sends the gas tank up as well. The ensuing fireball is big enough that they both feel heat from it.
The girl, silent this whole time, finally screams. For a while, it's a wordless, primal shriek which fades into sobs. The trucker puts his arms around her and she cries into his chest.
"My mom and dad," she says. "My dad's parents were with us too, and my mom's sister was with us. She was pregnant with my first cousin. And now they're all gone." Strangely, saying it out loud seems to calm her somewhat.
The puppy she's been cradling in her lap this entire time lets out a small whimper. It's a Corgi, and he has a bone-shaped name tag on. The trucker sees that his name is Baron von Woofington, and also that the dog's back is catastrophically broken. He licks the girl's hand and lets out one final weak bark, and then dies.
This sends the girl into another wave of shrieking sobs. The trucker pulls her closer into his arms.
"Man, you are just having the WORST day, aren't you?" he says as he unzips his pants.
Жопа блять( Тема про анектоды, а я расплакался вспоминая время, когда на тысячу можно было мента купить( Тогда еще LM синий стоил 30 рублей, а игрушки из автомата можно было по 2 рубля доставать...
Добавлено: Fri Apr 01, 2016 10:39 am Заголовок сообщения:
Юниор
Зарегистрирован: 21.03.2016 Сообщения: 10
Приходит муж с работы, приносит жене цветы.
Жена непонятливо смотрит на него и спрашивает:
- И что, мне теперь ноги раздвигать?
Муж:
- А у нас что, вазы нет?
Вы не можете начинать темы Вы не можете отвечать на сообщения Вы не можете редактировать свои сообщения Вы не можете удалять свои сообщения Вы не можете голосовать в опросах
